


It Only Matters That You Love

by Ittybittytinypaws



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Endgame Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Gratuitous Smut, Light Angst, Mild Trigger warning, Nicole/Wynonna to start, Smut, Wayhaught - Freeform, gonna be a bit of a slow burn, parents can be assholes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2019-09-25 05:00:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17114972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ittybittytinypaws/pseuds/Ittybittytinypaws
Summary: Nicole has always had a thing for her best friend, when she finally gets a chance to act on it everything is amazing. But, how long can amazing last?





	1. The first time

**Author's Note:**

> Hey humans!  
> So we will see if there's any interest in this story to continue it. I'll hopefully post the next chapter in the next few days!  
> Hope everyone is safe out there xx

"Wynonna stop it! That tickles dude!", Nicole squealed as she tried to escape Wynonna's nimble hands. Moving away from her friend on the queen sized bed they were sitting on watching a movie. Nicole reached out to grab at her best friends hands, catching one, trying to secure it to the bed so it couldn't be used against her again. "Dude, I'm serious. Or I can't be held responsible for your injuries." Nicole added trying to hide her smile and look scary, hoping it would deter Wynonna. 

"Fine, I'll keep my hands to myself!", Wynonna responded in a sing song voice, smirking at her friend and turning back to the movie. She snuggled back into Nicole for warmth, resting her head on her shoulder to focus back in on the tiny laptop screen.

Nicole looked back towards the movie, her body felt so warm in proximity to Wynonna. She had such a massive crush on the woman beside her and having their bodies pressed up together like this was not helping. 

Nicole started thinking about her last couples months. It had been a wild one and full of self discovery. She had gone to visit her now ex-boyfriend at his university, she hadn't wanted to but he had made such a fuss about it that she felt she had to go. Nicole had wanted to break up with him for a while, years actually, but kept being told by her parents that it wasn't the right time. Something about making sure he had a future and not crushing him, if only they knew what she put up with, they weren't the ones having to date him. 

The trip didn't go well. It started out fine, just the usual, but as the night went on it was clear that they were not on the same page. The night ended with Nicole lying about not feeling well to avoid having to have sex with him. When morning rolled around it was a bit awkward as Nicole gathered her things. Finally James just blatantly asked, "Do you even still want to be together?" 

Nicole stopped loading her clothes into her backpack and looked at him, she could see the hurt written all over his face but she couldn't keep doing this, it was now or never. "No, James, I'm sorry. I don't think we should be together anymore."

The drive back with James to her respective university had felt like an eternity, the silence on the other side of the car was deafening. But once she got inside her dorm room it felt like this massive weight had been lifted. She called her family and told them the news, her mom was upset with her for ending it, adding in, "Well now who will watch the dog when we go away?". Nicole rolled her eyes and gave a half hearted apology and shrugged it off, she was free for the first time in years and she was going to enjoy it. 

Nicole spent the next few nights alone in her dorm watching tv shows on her laptop and eating snacks, her personal favourite being Oreos with milk. The third night was the night she figured it out, she had been wondering why the breakup hadn't really effected her. Or why any breakup for that matter never really bothered her aside from maybe a couple tears but she was never hung up on it longer than an hour after the break up.

Ha, maybe I'm gay, she thought sarcastically to herself. Wait. Nicole's hand froze, cookie half way to her mouth. That was it.

"I'm gay", she said out loud, smiling a little.

The minute she said it this feeling of euphoria spread through her body, she was practically giddy. It felt like she had solved this incredibly difficult puzzle and now everything made sense in her world. So many things in her life made sense now, it was like putting glasses on for the first time and everything snapping into focus.

Nicole thought back to other friendships she had currently and back in high school, her cheeks flushed realizing that she had definitely had a crush on some of the girls she had been close with. Apparently she didn't just have this intense need to be friends with them for mystery reasons, it had definitely been a crush.

"Well that's a little embarrassing", She said to herself, pushing the cookies away to stand up and pace her small room instead. 

Oh god, Wynonna, she thought stopping in the middle of her room. Well, that friendship made a lot more sense, they had always been a little too close. It had been mentioned by just about everyone and they both knew about the rumours that flew around about them. The only thing that went in their favour against the rumours had been that Nicole had a serious boyfriend. 

Nicole decided she would need to watch herself around her friend, they had already had a falling out after graduation due to those rumours. She just got her friend back a month ago and didn't want to risk losing her again because of this.

She tuned back in to the movie when she felt Wynonna's hand wrap around her arm. She moved a little to give Wynonna more access to her arm to cuddle, in doing so though she displaced Wynonna’s head.

Wynonna didn't seem to mind though and readjusted, but she didn't lay her head back down and opted to instead breathe lightly on Nicole's neck, her lips hovering just above her skin. 

Nicole froze. 

"Uh Wy, what are you doing?"

"Oh, I just always like it when people do that to me, don't you?”, Wynonna replied like this was a totally normal thing, though Nicole thought she could hear something a bit different in her voice; a gravelly quality that usually wasn't there. 

"Uh well ya, uh huh, I do", Nicole managed to choke out, trying to keep her voice level. Her mind was racing, feeling warmth traveling from her chest up her neck betraying herself as she blushed.

Wynonna's nose bumped against her neck and she sighed onto Nicole's exposed skin, as she dipped her head for access to more of her neck her bottom lip brushed along the sensitive skin.

Nicole jumped up and out of the bed. Was she having some sort of very vivid dream or was this actually happening?

You know, maybe she was just having a stroke. 

She had to get some distance cause she was having some very, very impure thoughts and was about one ‘unintentional’ graze away from grabbing Wynonna and kissing her breathless. 

Nicole began to pace back and forth next to the bed wringing her hands to disperse some of the nervous energy. She glanced up at her friend who in all fairness looked a little confused at the sudden loss of her cuddle partner. Nicole knew what she had to do, it was just about summoning the courage; preferably quickly. 

"Look Wy, I need to..", Nicole took a breath to steady herself.

Maybe she could flee instead, the travelling circus can’t be that bad right?

This. Was. The. Worst.

The words felt so heavy in her mouth.

"Wynonna, there's something I need to tell you and I think you need to know before you keep doing whatever it is that was happening over there", she continued, as she gestured awkwardly towards the bed where she had been sitting a moment ago with her hand. 

Here goes nothing.

"I'm gay", Nicole blurted out, immediately holding her breath as she waited for an answer or a reaction of some kind from her best friend. 

Wynonna reached forward and gently closed the laptop, pushing it away as she swung her legs over the side of the bed to face Nicole. 

Nicole studied Wynonna's face looking for an answer, she had just thrown a grenade into their friendship and needed desperately to assess the damage it had caused.

"Okay", Wynonna finally said, breaking the silence. Nicole had been expecting shock or disgust, not a casual acknowledgment. 

Wynonna continued to speak as she got up walking towards Nicole, "So what your saying is that when I did that to your neck, it.." 

Nicole had been backing up slowly, trying to give some distance between her and her friend. She was forced to stop when her butt hit the top of the dresser. 

"..it made you feel things.", Wynonna finished her sentence and placed one hand on top of the dresser trapping Nicole on one side.

"Uh, ya, I guess you could say that. I, uh, just wanted you to know so that if that's not your intention you could stop.", Nicole rambled quickly rushing to try and give and explanation. She could feel something had changed, there was something different in the air. A tension that wasn't there before. 

Wynonna leaned in, tilting her head for access to Nicole's neck, she whispered, "So when I do this..", her voice trailed off, as her lips ever so gently brushed against Nicole's neck. Nicole could feel Wynonna’s lips part and her breath tickling her skin. "When I do that, does it feel good?”, she whispered against her neck.

Nicole was completely out of her element. She had never actually kissed another woman before and now her incredibly attractive best friend, who she absolutely had feelings for was now practically kissing her neck asking if it turned her on. 

What.

Was.

Happening.

This was a dangerous game. But honestly Nicole's brain was swimming in a sea of Wynonna right now and she couldn't see a single way back to shore.

She had to make a choice now, either go for it and hope she doesn't regret it or push her friend away and go back to watching the movie. One option was definitely safer but Nicole has been playing it safe her entire life, that’s how she has ended up with people that she didn’t want to be with. This was her chance to take a risk and maybe, for once, be with someone she actually has feelings for, actually be happy. The risk was significant but maybe it was worth it.

Nicole put her hand on the edge of the dresser for leverage and flipped their positions with Wynonna now pressed lightly between Nicole and the dresser. 

She smiled at Wynonna as innocently as possible, "Of course it feels good. Doesn't it feel good to you?", having said that Nicole repeated Wynonna's action, clearly catching the other girl off guard, she could feel the muscles tense in her neck under her lips when they brushed against her skin. 

"You're right, it does feel great.", a now very flustered Wynonna replied. She looked at Nicole with a bit of mischief in her eyes, "What about this, do you like this?". Wynonna moved to the other side of Nicole's neck and used her tongue to draw a line from the base of her neck to the spot just below her ear. 

Nicole died. 

If anyone ever asked, that was the moment her soul left her body.

Her cheeks felt so hot and her body felt like it was buzzing. It had been a long time since she felt this way. At some point she must have closed her eyes, when she opened them and made eye contact with Wynonna she knew she was in trouble. 

This was just the beginning.

She needed to level the playing field, "Hm, ya I do, what about you?", Nicole did exactly what Wynonna had done, revelling in the taste of her skin. But instead of stopping below her ear, she licked her ear lobe into her mouth tugging on it gently with her teeth before releasing it and placing a light kiss on her neck before pulling away. 

It was Nicole's turn the look smug. She had never seen this look on her friends face before, but it wasn't hard to identify. Plainly put, Wynonna was turned on, her eyes had gotten darker, her neck and cheeks were flushed, and her lips were parted slightly. 

It was the sexiest thing Nicole had ever laid eyes on.

Wynonna focused in on Nicole, making eye contact. The moment was tense, the next step was clear and they were only millimetres apart; a heavy anticipation hung in the air. 

Nicole wasn't nervous about kissing another person, she definitely wasn’t a stranger to that, she had been kissing boys since seventh grade. Not to mention that especially slutty phase she went through in high school that she absolutely does not talk about.

But this was different.

This was a woman.

And not just any woman, this was her best friend.

These were two lines she definitely had never crossed before and the thought both thrilled her and filled her with a near paralyzingly fear. 

"Fuck it.", Nicole uttered before leaning forward and finally connecting her lips with Wynonna's. 

It was everything that she could have ever hoped for, it was so soft, softer than any other kiss she had shared with someone. And so much more intense, years of pent up feelings rushing through her into this first kiss, which is what it felt like. Her first kiss, a real one, the one she should have had when she was younger instead of the awkward one she had with that boy that didn’t know what the hell he was doing.

She felt Wynonna's arms wrap around her and pull her closer, their lips pushing tighter together. Nicole ran her hands up Wynonna's back and broke the kiss for some air.

"Wow", Wynonna breathed into the space between them.

A moment later their lips reconnected, this kiss far more passionate. It was like the dam broke and now all they needed and wanted was each other, Wynonna slid her tongue into Nicole’s mouth, Nicole letting a small moan escape in response. The kiss deepened, starting to become desperate, all tongue and teeth pulling at bottom lips trying to devour the other person. 

Wynonna started to walk Nicole backwards towards the bed, pushing her down when they reached their destination having to break their kiss momentarily but climbing on top of Nicole to immediately resume kissing her.

Nicole needed more, her brain was screaming to touch every inch of the body above her and she really couldn't find a reason not to at this point. Her best friend was literally laying on top of her, breathing heavy with her tongue in her mouth. With a new found confidence Nicole dipped her fingers under the hem of Wynonna's shirt and moved it up experimentally, giving Wynonna the chance to stop her or pull away. 

Instead she sighed into her touch and propped herself up more to give Nicole access to the rest of her body. Nicole slid her hand up her best friends torso feeling the smooth warm skin under her fingertips, she finally reached her destination hitting the bottom of Wynonna’s bra. 

Nicole hesitated, she knew that it was fine, consent had been given and she wanted to; she really did but she was so anxious. It was like this moment was committing to being gay, this was it, she was really doing this. 

She moved her hand the rest of the way and fully cupped her friends bra covered breast with her hand and squeezed. 

Well, let’s add this to the list of firsts for the night.

Wynonna slipped her tongue deeper into Nicole’s mouth in approval, her hips resting heavy onto Nicole’s. Wynonna moved her arms to either side of Nicole’s so that her elbows propped her up slightly above her. Their kiss continued as Nicole got a bit more brazen and slid her hand under Wynonna’s bra, finally having skin to skin contact. She ran her fingers over her friends nipple palming the breast in her hand, Wynonna gasped into Nicole’s mouth allowing Nicole to take control of the kiss. She ran her hand up into Wynonna’s hair, stretching her fingers along the back of her head grabbing a handful of chocolate coloured locks to tilt her head so she could deepen the kiss more, lewdly dipping her tongue into Wynonna’s waiting mouth.

Wynonna ground her hips down onto Nicole’s thigh experimentally, clearly looking for friction. 

Nicole dropped her hand down from Wynonna’s head to her hip helping to guide the action, bringing Wynonna’s hips down again with more force onto her leg. Nicole was sweating, her clothes felt too tight and too warm especially with another body grinding on top of her. But she would be damned if she was going to stop what was happening now. Wynonna followed the same motion over and over again spurred on by Nicole’s hand holding her hip tightly, pulling her back down every time. 

“Fuck”, Nicole whispered between kisses, she could feel a wet spot forming on her track pants where Wynonna was grinding down on her leg.

Wynonna was so wet that it had gone through her pants. Wynonna wanted this just as much as she did. It was incredibly sexy and she felt a rush of heat shoot through chest right down to her core.

Nicole started lifting her hips half to accommodate the movement and the other half to seek out some friction for herself. She had never been this wet in her entire life, it was almost embarrassing. Wynonna shifted her leg so that it was between Nicole’s and pushed her knee up till it made contact with Nicole’s centre. 

Nicole sighed into the contact and started to move her hips up in earnest to get some pressure where she really needed it. She was already so close and had barely even been touched, her body had been aching for attention and now that she had it, she wanted more. Nicole moved her other hand down so that both were holding Wynonna’s ass and hip, she started to pull down her body creating a rhythm.

She could feel Wynonna’s grinding start to become more irregular, and she was panting between kisses starting to need more air as their hips continued thrusting back and forth against Nicole’s body, effectively riding her thigh. 

Nicole kissed her neck, letting her tongue travel the expanse of the exposed skin there. She ground up harder against Wynonna’s body, noticing her eyes were closed tight and her skin was flushed.

She looked so beautiful like this.

“Nic..”, she choked out trying to stay in control while her hips ground down frantically against Nicole. 

Wynonna ground down one more time throwing them both unexpectedly over the edge. She rolled off Nicole and laid next to her, both of them breathing hard trying to catch their breath.

Nicole was overwhelmed, as she laid there while her mind raced, trying to make sense of what just happened in her post-orgasm fogged brain.

What the hell just happened!? What does this mean?

It was like Wynonna could read her mind cause she stretched her arm out and grabbed Nicole’s hand to hold. It was a simple action, something they did pretty frequently actually but it was enough calm the buzzing of her brain and let her just enjoy the moment. 

They would figure it out, but now was not the time with both of them laying there exhausted. The silence continued until Nicole could hear Wynonna’s breathing even out and her hand go heavy in hers. She decided it was best if she followed suit and got some sleep, they had to be up early to drive the several hours home together the next day. 

Before Nicole drifted off she felt Wynonna’s body roll over into hers. Maybe this could actually work she thought to herself as she closed her eyes, pulling the blanket over them both.


	2. New Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small holiday theme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this ended up taking more than a few days, but it's here now..so we'll put that in the win column

The sun was just starting to come in through the blinds as Nicole started to wake up. It was a cold December morning so she snuggled back down into the blankets. She felt a warm arm squeeze her closer, it felt familiar, comfortable, the heavy feeling of it laying across her waist. 

Nicole’s eyes shot open. Last night. 

She didn’t even remember falling asleep but she’s glad she woke up next to Wynonna, it means last night wasn’t part of some very vivid dream. That the last couple months weren't part of an elaborate delusion. Nicole didn’t want to move, she didn’t want this perfect bubble to burst, but she really had to go to the bathroom; and if she could see the sun it meant they probably had to leave soon. 

Nicole carefully extracted herself from half under Wynonna and the small mountain of blankets they were under. She regretted it the minute her feet hit the floor, it was freezing, she skipped her way to the bathroom gently closing the door as to not wake Wynonna. She quickly used the bathroom, brushed her hair and teeth, trying not to let her mind drift to the uncertainty waiting for her in the other room.

When she got back to the room the bed was empty and Wynonna was changed, just pulling a sweater over her head. “Mornin’”, she mumbled in Nicole’s direction. 

“Hey, morning”, Nicole replied priding herself on coming off casual. “I figured we would get our stuff together and grab coffee on the road”.

“Mm coffee”, Wynonna agreed shoving clothes into a bag half hazardly. Nicole smiled as she began to do the same, Wynonna was useless in the morning especially before coffee. 

A few minutes later the car was packed up and they were on the road. The car was quiet with the music playing low, the bumps on the road bouncing both of them from time to time. Nicole considered breaking the silence and bringing up the night before but she couldn’t find the words, what was she going to say? Hey remember that time we kissed and then things really escalated quickly and I kinda sorta got you off?

Nicole was saved from her own thoughts when they pulled into the drive thru. They ordered some coffee and donuts for the trip and were on there way. After a couple sips of coffee Wynonna reached forward to turn up the music, finally feeling like a real human. On her way back she grabbed her coffee and took another long sip, starring at the road to avoid swerving out of her lane. She placed her cup back in the holder and reached for Nicole’s hand, slipping her fingers through hers and squeezing. 

It was her way of showing affection. Nicole took a breath and looked at their linked hands, finally she looked up to smile over at her, Wynonna smirked back at her and turned back to look at the road.

This was a thing, this was a thing they were doing. That familiar feeling of euphoria bubbled up in Nicole’s chest, maybe this could work.

A few hours passed of chatting and singing to the radio, they were maybe 20 minutes from town where Wynonna would be dropping Nicole at her parents house for the holidays. They were of course going to be seeing each other, she only lived a 10 minute drive down the road; but they just had this new part of their relationship and Nicole didn’t want to spend any time away from her. 

Wynonna pulled off on a side road, taking Nicole by surprise, “Before we get into town”, she said looking at Nicole’s face. “I just wanted a moment..”, her sentence trailed off as she leaned in to Nicole.

Nicole closed the gap quickly kissing her without hesitation. She felt Wynonna's tongue glide across her lip asking for entrance which Nicole gave her immediately, the kiss became heated quickly tongues meeting in the middle, gasps of air being taken in at any chance, not wanting to have to break the kiss for something as silly as breathing. She felt Wynonna’s hand travel from where is was resting on her shoulder blade down her body to her ass, where it had lifted slightly to lean into the kiss, she felt a slight squeeze. Nicole moved her body up more trying to get closer to Wynonna when they heard a car coming up the road behind them and parted quickly, both smiling and looking a little dazed. Without another word Wynonna put the car in drive, pulled around and headed into town.

A short drive later Nicole was standing in her driveway with her bags in her hands watching Wynonna back out. She took a deep breath, it was time to go deal with her family, it was going to be a long week. 

“Hey Mom!”, Nicole shouted announcing her return. “Hey Nic, dear, you look like you’ve lost weight!", Her mother said as she walked towards the door, looking her up and down before adding, "You know, nobody likes it when girls put on that freshman 15.”. She hugged Nicole at the door before she could put her backs down. 

So it begins.

“Uh, ya, thanks Mom.”, Nicole replied, I dropped weight after going off birth control so you can thank the lesbianism, she thought sarcastically to herself. 

“I’m going to take my things to my room, do you need help with anything?”, Nicole added, always preferring to be on her mothers good side.

“No, no dear, I don’t need any help but you can take the dog for a walk. Oh! And if you want you can take the car to go see James.” 

“Mom, we broke up. I told you this, and we haven’t spoken since then”, Nicole deadpanned, feeling heat rising in her cheeks. Her mother would do this, she would find a way bring him up.

“Well I was talking to him on Facebook and I think he really misses you, he would definitely take you back if you asked him. He's such a sweet boy! Plus he’s so helpful-“

“-Mom, please. We just weren’t good together, I really started to just see him as more of a friend or brother not a boyfriend.”, Nicole lied. She was starting to get angry, why was her mother talking to him? Why did she insist on inserting herself into everything? She didn’t want to have this talk again. “I’ll go take out the dog, but I’m not going to see him”, she passed by her mother with her bags ending the conversation.

Nicole put on some warmer clothes, got the dog and went into the forest. Once they were far enough in she took the leash off so Pickles could run free as she pleased. She put her headphones on and blasted the music trying to just drown out her conversation with her mother. It had been 20 minutes and she was already regretting coming home. 

She pulled out her phone to text Wynonna, “Kill me now”, she sent off. Less than a minute later her phone buzzed in her pocket, “Your mom? If you want I can come kidnap you”. Nicole smiled at her phone before sending back, “I’ll survive for now but I may take you up on that”. Thank god for Wynonna, she didn’t know what she would do without her sometimes.

The next few days went by fairly quickly, mostly just avoiding her mother and sneaking away to grab coffee with friends and Wynonna. Stealing a few brief kisses along the way, none of them were enough. It was like Wynonna was a drug, she had her first taste and now she needed more, she needed her fix like she needed to eat. Luckily it seemed like she wasn’t the only one that felt this way, finding her equally breathless after a quick kiss the other night. 

It was Christmas Eve, it was mid afternoon and Nicoles mother was already drunk. She wanted to leave the house but couldn’t knowing there was no excuse good enough to leave ‘family time’. She pulled out her phone, she felt warmth flow through her seeing texts waiting from Wynonna. 

They were nothing special but they made her smile, she went to reply, “Hey Wy”.

“What’s up buttercup?”

“I’ve been wondering, I wanted to ask you something”

“What’s on your mind Nic?”

“What are we doing, like what are we?”

Long pause. Nicole was starting to regret her boldness. Finally a response.

“What do you want us to be doing?”

Ugh. Noncommittal, of course.

“Dating..”

“Well then we are dating”

Nicole stared at her phone for a long couple seconds, was it really that easy? She thought about questioning it, about just calling her or hopping into her car and driving over there. But it was close to dinner time and that wouldn’t end well for either of them. Nicole typed, erased, typed again, erased. 

“So you’re my girlfriend then? 

“Yep, I gotta go, text you after dinner, babe”

Girlfriend. She has a girlfriend. Nicole could scream she was so happy. It didn't feel like other times, this felt less significant almost nonchalant but maybe this was how it was supposed to be and the new her wasn't going to question it. 

Maybe she would make it through this holiday with her mother after all. Now that she had a girlfriend to turn to. She heard her mother call for dinner, getting up from her bed she could feel all her excitement bubbling inside her chest. She desperately wished she could share this news, share how happy she was but she knew she couldn’t and even if she could, it wasn’t the time.

It was her secret. And it was an amazing one.

—————————

The next several days had been a blur between Christmas and Boxing Day, and all the family parties neither of them had had a lot of time to see each other. But tonight was New Years Eve and they had a plans. Nicole's family was gone for the night to a friends place in a nearby town to celebrate which left her house empty. 

Wynonna and Nicole planned on getting dinner together, then going to a mutual friends house party then back to Nicole’s house for the night. Nicole spent most of the afternoon trying to figure out what to wear, this was their first date and she wanted it to be perfect. She tried on almost every piece of nice clothing she had before finally settling on a tight pair of jeans and a nice shirt with a blazer over top. She even straightened her hair to pull the outfit together.

She made sure that the house was tidy and that the fridge was stocked with beer. Just as Nicole was finally ready a knock sounded at the door signalling Wynonna’s arrival. She hopped down the steps to the front door and opened it a little breathless, which accurately describes how she felt when she took in Wynonna’s appearance. She was wearing a pair of dark jeans and boots with a loose fitting green top with her black peacoat open over top, her hair was down and wavy and her makeup was done to perfection. 

“Perfect timing”, She said to Wynonna moving to the side to let her in. As soon as Nicole closed the door she felt Wynonna pin her against it. 

“I’ve missed you, its been days”, Wynonna said

Nicole smiled into the kiss that followed, letting Wynonna lead, feeling herself relax in her girlfriends arms. 

“I want to keep kissing you but I’m starving and we have a reservation to make.” Nicole whispered between them, placing a gentle kiss to Wynonna’s lips.

Nicole fixed her clothes a bit and started to put her shoes on, looking up at Wynonna as she spoke, “You know, we could always just order pizza then we wouldn’t have to worry about being anywhere for awhile”, she punctuated the sentence with a wink.

“I’ll order the pizza, you grab the beer”, Nicole replied sliding off her untied her shoes and coat. She kinda wished she hadn’t spent time doing her hair but this date was way more her than some fancy restaurant.

Wynonna headed up the stairs finding her way to the fridge and pulling out a couple beers for them. Two beers later the pizza finally arrived, Nicole had made sure to keep her distance knowing that if she started to kiss Wynonna she probably wouldn’t be able to stop and then they would be very drunk and hungry. 

They ate in relative silence, letting the tv play in the background like they have a million times before. Once they were both full Nicole brought the pizza into the kitchen, followed closely by Wynonna with their empty bottles. 

Wynonna grabbed another beer for them both, Nicole hopped up onto the counter, as a beer was pressed into her hand. “Cheers”, they said at the same time clinking the bottles together. Wynonna stepped between Nicole's legs sliding her arms around her. “I’m glad I finally have you all to myself”. 

“Mhm”, Nicole hummed, sliding her hand to the back of Wynonna’s neck to pull her in. This time she wanted to have the control, she wanted to show her how much she's wanted her these past few days.

Nicole kissed her modestly, a peck, then another, before flicking her tongue out to catch Wynonna’s lip. Immediately deepening the kiss with a fierceness that wasn’t there a second ago, Nicole put her beer down and wrapped her other arm around Wynonna’s back pulling her closer. 

Wynonna placed her own beer next to Nicole's and grabbed her hips to gently pulled her off the counter, changing the angle of the kiss; she moved her hands up to pull away Nicole’s blazer.

Nicole pulled at Wynonna's clothes uselessly just needing to feel her body against her own, finally letting her hands settle on her belt buckle. 

Nicole broke the kiss and looked up at Wynonna to make sure this was okay. Consent was very import to her and she wanted to make sure she didn't cross any lines of make assumptions. 

Wynonna nodded to Nicole signalling a green light. Nicole unbuckled the belt and slid it through the loops off her waist, throwing it to the ground in the kitchen with a heavy clunk. Wynonna had begun making her way down Nicole's neck alternating between kissing and licking the exposed skin. 

Nicole pulled away when she felt teeth on her neck, "Hey! No hickies. I can't cover that up.", she looked at Wynonna seriously making sure she understood knowing full well that that had been her intention. 

Wynonna pouted a little, ducking her head down and looking up at Nicole through her eyelashes. Nicole smirked, trying to stay serious, this woman was going to be the end of her. "Fine, if you must, just make sure they aren't anywhere visible.", Nicole said giving in.

"Let's maybe move this to your room? I don't think your neighbours want to see what's coming next.", Wynonna said starting to lift Nicole's shirt off her body, revealing a navy blue bra that complimented her red hair perfectly. "Ya, they definitely don't want to see what's happening next", She added, kissing Nicole again, starting to walk backwards in the direction of Nicole's room.

In this moment Nicole was thankful for two things, the first is that she had worn her only matching pair of underwear, that just so happen to look amazing on her, and the second was that she had a queen sized bed; thankfully they wouldn't have to squeeze onto a single bed. 

As they walked towards the bed they shed their clothing tossing them to the floor, till they were both only in their underwear. Wynonna pushed Nicole onto her bed, pulling her jeans off from around ankles before joining her. Nicole took a moment to take in Wynonna's appearance, she was wearing a black bra with subtle lace on it with black floral panties; they hugged her body in all the right ways. Nicole's mouth went dry, all moisture going elsewhere. 

The reality of the situation finally hit her.

This was actually about to happen. She was about to have sex with her best friend in her bed. Until a week ago this had only ever been a fantasy, an extremely unlikely event, now her best friend was almost naked standing in front of her looking at her like she was a prize she had won. Looking at her like there was nowhere else she would rather be than right there in that moment. 

"You're too far away", Nicole said, reaching out to grab Wynonna's hand, pulling her onto the bed and on top of her. They kissed slowly, purposefully, like they had all the time in the world; they let their hands explore each other sliding from lower back up and scratching lightly back down. Moving hands to cup over top of bras to feel each other, chests flushed and heaving.

Wynonna stopped to look down at Nicole, pulling at her bra strap with a raised eyebrow, asking without words if she could take it off. Nicole nodded, arching her back off the bed give her access to the clasp, feeling a slight chill on her nipples as they were exposed to the colder air in the room. 

"You too", Nicole asked, using the tip of her finger to lift the bottom of Wynonna's bra a bit, smiling as she complied and Nicole was greeted with her bare chest. 

Nicole slid her hands up Wynonna's body feeling the small bumps from her abs and finally coming to rest on her breasts. She squeezed experimentally, letting her nipple glide between her fingers trapping it lightly in her grasp. 

Wynonna moaned. Her hips bucking forward slightly looking for friction.

She leaned forward falling back on top of Nicole, using one hand to hold herself up and the other to grasp at Nicole's breast. She immediately dipped her head down and took her nipple into her mouth, sucking lightly and dragging her teeth across it as she released it. She then sucked hard at the skin of her breast, definitely leaving a mark. Wynonna continued to bite and suck at Nicole's chest leaving red marks across it, claiming her for her own.

Nicole had never been this wet in their life. And she had a feeling she wasn't alone judging by the noises Wynonna was making above her. She let one hand drop from her chest and dipped it down to tug at the waistband of her girlfriends underwear. She stopped to get her attention, making sure one final time that they were good, giving her the chance to stop if she wanted. 

Wynonna frantically nodded at her, closing her eyes and kissing Nicole in anticipation for what was coming. Nicole let her hand dip below the flimsy fabric, hand shaking slightly. She had no idea what she was doing, only going off on what she had seen on tv and what she liked. She wanted this to be amazing for her, it was nerve wracking.

When she reached her destination all nerves went flying on the window. Wynonna was so, so wet. Definitely as wet as she was if not more. She was practically dripping for her.

Nicole let her fingers glide over her, just feeling, almost getting off just from touching her. Wynonna rocked her hips clearly looking for more. She took a breath before lowering her hand and dipping a single finger inside her. Wynonna gasped into their kiss showing her approval, sliding her tongue into Nicole's mouth clearly lost in the feeling as Nicole started to move her finger in and out of her setting a steady pace; letting her palm brush against Wynonna's clit when her hips would thrust forward. 

Wynonna's forehead was against hers, panting above her with every time she pushed inside of her. Nicole was loving every minute of this but she would be lying if she said she wasn't aching for attention, her body was dying for anything, just even a bit of pressure. Her hips were bucking against Wynonna's leg when it would get close, back arching off the bed.

Finally Wynonna got the hint, dropping her arm down to Nicole's centre. She quickly pushed her underwear to the side and unceremoniously slide her finger all the way to the knuckle into Nicole, immediately setting a quick pace. 

"Fuck, Wy..", Nicole gasped, throwing her head back against the bed, fingers stilling momentarily inside of Wynonna while she revelled in the feeling.

"Don't stop", Wynonna pleaded, rocking her hips to prod Nicole into moving again. She let out a whimper of relief when she felt her hand start to move against her, picking up her own pace as well.

Nicole was close, and she could tell Wynonna was too, her hips had lost their rhythm and were starting to become erratic. She was a mess of moans above her, gasping when Nicole would hit a particularly sensitive spot inside her. She felt it coming, that familiar coiling feeling in her gut, she was about to come and started working harder to get there searching for release.

"I'm so close.", She panted into Wynonna's ear.

"Me too", she heard breathlessly replied to her.

"Kiss me", Nicole asked, gasping at the end as Wynonna pushed deeper inside her.

Wynonna lifted her head off Nicole's shoulder where it had taken up residence and kissed her deeply, sloppily, all tongue and teeth with no control as their bodies continued to move against each other. Inside of each other.

Nicole was unsure of who tumbled off the edge first both women moaning as they came. She slowed her ministrations as Wynonna's hips stopped moving, carefully removing her hand from her underwear. She couldn't help the small moan that escaped when Wynonna removed her finger from inside her and brushed her clit with her hand as she went to put her ruined underwear back in place. 

"Wow"

"Ya", Wynonna replied breathless, staring up at the ceiling trying to regulate her breathing.

Nicole looked at the clock on the wall, "Oh shit, it's after midnight. We missed New Years"

"Well you know what they say. How you spend New Years is how you'll spend the rest of your year.", Wynonna replied, looking at Nicole and smirking.

Nicole smiled back, rolling onto her side to face her before replying, “Oh ya? I think I'm alright with that", leaning in and delivering a peck to her cheek.

She climbed on top of Wynonna, letting her body relax on top of her girlfriends; kissing her again before adding, "Ya, I think this might be the best New Years ever”.


	3. Valentines Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines Day humans!

Nicole and Wynonna had been dating for a couple months now and it was going great, at least it was for the most part, they spent most of their time together in Nicole's dorm room. If they left the room they had to just pretend to be friends, no PDA of any kind, which worked for Nicole most of the time as well, she wasn't out to anyone so the secrecy was kind of necessary and it was super hot having this kind of secret kept between them.

That being said, Nicole decided she needed someone to talk to, she felt way out of her depth and just needed a sounding board. The problem was finding someone to talk to, she was already dating her best friend so she couldn’t exactly go to her and usually she would go to any of her friends but she hadn’t told anyone else that she was gay yet so that left her feeling a little lonely.

She finally decided to go visit her sister, Ashley, at school a few hours away and considered telling her that weekend. It would be fine, she was sure, but the risk of her sister telling their mother was too high and she wasn’t quite ready for that, her mother was a massive wild card. Nicole knew that her sister had one gay friend, Kelly, who was married to another woman, she figured if anyone would be helpful in this situation it would be her; now she would just have to figure out how to get her alone long enough to have a conversation with her.

The weekend had a pretty standard plan: get there, get drunk, go out dancing and repeat. By the time Nicole arrived at her sisters place it was late in the evening and the house was already semi full of women pouring drinks and putting makeup on, the minute she walked in the door her sister enveloped her in a tight hug and put a drink in her hand.

“Drink fast, you have to catch up.”, Ashley told her, giving her an affectionate a kiss to the forehead.

They were close, super close actually. Nicole loved her sister more than anybody else on this planet but she couldn’t always trust her to make the best choice, or better put, the choice in Nicole’s best interest. 

More often than not Nicole was playing the role of the big sister despite being younger by 4 years, she always protected Ashley from their mother who had been getting steadily more and more out of control in the last few years but she couldn't say the same for her sister who often chose to protect herself over Nicole leaving her blindsided by their mothers rage.

Despite some of her sisters faults she relaxed into the hug, and prayed that when her sister did find out that she would still love her the same, and that things wouldn’t change. She pushed these thoughts aside in favour of living in the moment, opting to be carefree and light hearted. Nicole took a long sip of her beer and motioned to Ashley that she was taking her things up to her sisters room. 

When Nicole came back down she had changed into clothes that were a little more bar appropriate, going with a pair of skinny jeans and a green skin tight tank top that left nothing to the imagination in the way of her cleavage. 

“Nic come sit on the floor in front of me and I’ll do your hair curly for you.”, Ashley called over from the couch.

“It takes forever to do my hair curly.”, Nicole replied, rolling her eyes while obeying her sister, sitting on the floor in front of her.

“Yes I know, which is why I’m offering to do it for you so you can look hot and pick up all the boys.”

“Right. Thanks, you’re the best.”, Nicole said, feeling some heat in her cheeks, she nodded in agreement.

Once all their hair was done and makeup was applied they headed out to the bar. They didn’t have to wait in line, her sister knew the bouncer and they walked right in. The minute they got past the front door the music hit them like a wave, it crashed over them with a deep bass thudding in their chest, vibrating out through her arms and legs. 

To be honest this wasn’t really Nicole’s scene, she loved going out with Ashley and her friends but she would much prefer it if there weren’t sweaty people everywhere and guys with wandering hands in every square inch of the place.

They made their way through the crowd to the bar and got some drinks, looking around the bar they finally found a table, easily taking up the booth with the group of them. It wasn’t long before a group of guys noticed them there and came over. Usually when this happened it was harmless, they would come to their table, offer shots or dancing, and would leave once turned down.

This time though, they lingered.

“HEY!”, this guy yelled over the music in Nicole's direction. He looked pretty drunk, he had several of the buttons on his shirt undone exposing his chest hair, his face was red and he was sweating.

Delightful, Nicole thought to herself. She gave a polite smile and then turned away from him hoping he would get the point and leave.

No luck, of course. 

“I SAID HEY”, he yelled again in her direction. She wished she wasn’t sitting on the end of the booth. She turned to him again, this time yelling back, “Ya, I heard you.”

“LETS MAKE OUT”, he yelled, smiling at her like he was being completely charming.

Gross. How was she going to get rid of this guy. 

She turned away again hoping that her lack of attention would make him lose interest. Her head snapped up at him as she felt his hand grip her bicep and yank her up towards him, squeezing her arm tightly.

Nicole was frozen, the alcohol flowing in her system leaving her brain sputtering into action.

Luckily she didn’t have to say another word before someone came up and pushed him from behind, forcing him to release her arm. They glared at him until he followed his friends to another table of women. Nicole looked up at who had come to rescue her. Kelly. Her hero.

“Hey baby Haught”, she said, greeting the rest of the group and sliding into the booth next to Nicole. She relaxed a bit and chuckled at the term of endearment, Kelly always called her that or some other nickname, very rarely using her actual name. Her sister naturally got the title of Haught so since she was younger she was left with baby Haught. 

“Hey! Where’s your wife?”, Nicole happily replied.

“Workin’, but I know she’ll be jealous when she finds out she missed seeing you.”, Kelly punctuated her reply by bumping her shoulder into Nicole’s.

The DJ changed the song and the whole table screamed, her sister and her friends yelled and started to get up, screaming about how this was their song and went off to go dance; leaving herself and Kelly at the table.

“Wanna grab a fresh drink while they dance it out?”

“Sure.”, Nicole said over the music, the rumbling in her chest suddenly making her feel nauseous.

This was it. The moment she had been hoping to get.

They got to the bar, Nicole watched Kelly order two beers for them, she tried handing her some money for the drink got her hand slapped away. So instead she leaned on the bar, trying to steady herself. “I have to tell you something.”

“What’s up baby Haught?” 

“You know what? It’s kind of a big thing, it can wait.”, Nicole said, fully chickening out. 

Kelly paused eyeing her, “This thing, does your sister know?”, she asked raising a questioning eyebrow.

“Uh..no”

Kelly quirked a knowing smile, eyes softening. “Is it that you’re gay?” 

Nicole’s eyes widened in surprise, how had she guessed so quickly? She nodded yes quickly, looking around to make sure nobody heard, not sure how they could have though since it was so loud she barely heard Kelly herself.

“I knew it.”, Kelly smiled even bigger, looking excited, “I’ve been waiting for you to tell me. Don’t worry about your sister, your secret is safe with me.”

“Thanks.” Nicole took a deep breath feeling a small amount of weight lift off her shoulders, she looked over to the dance floor to make sure her sister was still distracted.

“So are you dating anyone?”

“I am actually, for a couple months now”, Nicole beamed, thinking about her girlfriend.

“Oh wow! I’m actually a little hurt that I didn’t know sooner.”, Kelly teased, “Who else have you told?”

“Just you. My girlfriend, Wynonna, she’s not ready to tell anyone.”

“Not even your friends?”

“Especially not our friends”, Nicole said turning serious, thinking back to the discussion they had a couple weeks ago. Wynonna had been adamant that they weren’t going to be telling anyone, she didn’t even want Nicole telling anyone she was gay out of fear that it would come back to her.

She explained the conversation to Kelly, expressing her slight disappointment that she couldn’t share this new wonderful thing in her life. Once she finished her story she looked at Kelly, waiting for an answer, this had been the ting she wanted to discuss with her so her opinion was important.

The face that stared back didn’t look as happy as it had been a minute ago, she looked almost concerned.

“Peanut, I’m glad you’re happy and she sounds great. But -”, Kelly paused taking a sip of her beer, “- But don’t let her put you back in the closet. You are allowed to come out and tell whoever you want. You don’t have to tell anyone about her, if you don’t want to, but you should be able to be out and proud."

Nicole thought for a minute. Kelly was right, she was sacrificing her own happiness so that Wynonna would be comfortable. She thought she was okay with it but it had been dragging her down having to lie about herself all the time. 

“You’re right.”, Nicole replied thoughtfully. She had wanted to be happy on her terms for once and now she was falling back into old habits, making sure the other person was getting everything they needed and putting herself last. She didn’t want to push Wynonna, but she wanted to be herself.

“Its Valentines Day next weekend, got anything planned?”, Kelly asked trying to lighten the mood again.

“I think we are doing dinner and a movie, I’m not entirely sure. We can’t go anywhere that would make it look like we’re a couple.” Nicole answered excitedly, pretending not to notice Kellys face when she mentioned not looking like a couple part. 

She could tell her friend wasn’t loving the terms of her relationship but she made a promise to Wynonna to respect her wishes about them dating for now and told herself that she would revisit it in the near future, maybe she would feel more comfortable in a month or so.

“What about you? What are your Valentines Day plans?”, Nicole added, genuinely curious about what her favourite couple had planned. Considering stealing any good ideas Kelly had up her sleeve.

“The usual, flowers, present, romantic dinner. We usually don’t make a big deal of it.”, Kelly replied.

“I think maybe I’ll tell some friends this week, about me, that is.”, Nicole said suddenly bringing the conversation back around. She had already wanted so badly to tell them and felt validated by what Kelly had said to her.

“Good, will you give me a call or text this week and let me know how it goes?”

“I will.”, Nicole answered, “I promise!”, she added when Kelly gave her a playful stern look.

Nicole felt light for the first time in a long time, she smiled easily and settled in for a good night. She finally had someone to talk to that actually knew who she was, that had been through the same thing and it felt amazing. 

—————————————————————————

That Monday Nicole went out with her friends and told them she was gay. It hadn’t gone terribly smoothly, she had fumbled over the words a bunch and had to end up clarifying what she meant. They were still her friends which was great but she could feel that there was a shift in the dynamic of their friendship, a feeling that something was just..off.

Nicole called Kelly, as promised, and filled her in while Wynonna wasn’t around. She expressed her concern about losing her friends and her embarrassing delivery, Kelly was there to pick her back up and soothe her worries.

Valentines day rolled around and Nicole was super excited to celebrate with Wynonna. She bought a few daisies for her knowing that she hated how cliche roses were and planned on taking her out for dinner, she had a couple options for what they could do afterwards; several of those options involving little to no clothing. 

Wynonna showed up at Nicole's dorm room just as she got back from her last class. Nicole opened the door and was immediately greeted with soft lips on hers, pushing her backwards into her room. Nicole threw her arms around her girlfriends neck pulling her closer, gasping for air between kisses with the assault her lips were getting. 

Nicole bit down on Wynonna’s bottom lip and tugged before releasing it, earning her a moan. 

“Happy Valentines Day”, Nicole breathed between their barely parted lips.

“Mmhmm”, Wynonna murmured in response. Her slender fingers already tracing up Nicole’s spine to unclasp her bra, then changing course to undo her jeans.

“I got you flowers, they’re on my desk.”

Wynonna stopped briefly to look over at the pink and orange daisies on the desk, smiling she turned back to Nicole, “They are very pretty, just like you.”

She quickly returned to her task, kissing Nicole and unzipping her jeans.

This was not what Nicole had planned for this evening, at least not in this order but she sure as hell wasn’t about to complain about it, especially with Wynonna leaving opened mouthed kisses down her neck.

Hot lips trailed down her legs as her pants and underwear were expertly pulled off, Wynonna got on her knees and looked up at her, then with out a word pushed Nicole onto the bed behind her. She grabbed Nicole’s legs and unceremoniously tossed them over her shoulders, before she could even react Wynonna dragged her tongue from Nicole's entrance to her clit making her jolt at the sudden contact, she gasped when she quickly repeated the action.

“Fuck Wy.”, Nicole gasped. Her hands grabbing at the blanket on her bed rocking her hips to keep the contact.

Wynonna thankfully did not keep her waiting, placing one hand on her hip to keep her still she pressed her tongue to Nicole’s clit, flicking it over and over quickly riling Nicole up. She lowered her tongue, sliding it through wet folds and inside Nicole, before she could pull away Nicole moved her hand to the back of Wynonna’s head tangling her fingers in her hair holding her in place, lifting hips chasing the mouth on her.

“Shit”, she moaned before tightening her grip in Wynonna’s hair. At first she thought that maybe it was too much, but she heard Wynonna whimper and get more firm with her mouth, sucking Nicole’s clit into her mouth.

Before Nicole could even get the words out she was falling over the edge. Breathing hard and flushed across her neck and cheeks, she stared at the ceiling trying to collect herself. She released Wynonna’s hair from her grasp, pleased when she saw her strip off her clothes and crawled up on top of her, placing a wet kiss on her lips. 

She didn’t stop there though and kept climbing till her knees were on either side of Nicole's head. Nicole looked up taking a shuddering breath as she stared at her girlfriends soaking wet centre.

Nicole made eye contact with Wynonna, licked her lips, then grabbed her hips to pull them down onto her. 

Wynonna’s reaction was immediate, gasping into the feeling of Nicole’s mouth on her, swearing loudly at the contact.

She dropped her hand to tangle her hand in fiery locks, the other placed against the wall to prop herself up. Unable to control her hips as they started rocking back and forth assisting Nicole's ministrations. 

“Fuck Nic, I’m so close”, she said breathlessly, having already been close from fucking Nicole. Her hips moving fast, riding Nicole's face unapologetically. 

Before Nicole could do anything else Wynonna was suddenly coming on her tongue, holding her in place while she road out her high.

Wynonna moved to instead lay on top of Nicole and kiss her slowly. 

Nicole broke the kiss, looking at Wynonna’s flushed cheeks, “I love you.”, she said, half surprising herself at the confession but realizing she meant it wholeheartedly. 

She tried to read the woman above her, it may have been too soon to say it. What if she didn’t feel the same way? Maybe she could take it back really quickly and they could forget about it. 

The brief moment of silence felt like an eternity to her, she was just about to start damage control when she heard Wynonna reply, “I love you too.”, capturing Nicole's lips again.

They laid there together in silence for a few minutes just enjoying the after sex haze, Nicole felt a warmth growing in her chest at the admission from her girlfriend. 

This time Wynonna broke the silence, “Ugh I should get going.”, she said dramatically, getting up off of Nicole to start putting her clothes back on.

Nicole sat up looking confused at Wynonna, catching her jeans when she threw them at her from the floor. “Where are you going? I thought we were going to do dinner.”, Nicole replied, standing to put her pants on, still very confused as to what her girlfriends plans were.

“Oh I’m having dinner with Luke tonight.”

A beat of confused silence, then realization dawning on Nicole.

“Your ex-boyfriend from high school?”, Nicole was sure her eyes were comically wide despite this not being funny at all.

“Ya thats him, he’s been wanting to get together and asked me to meet up with him tonight.”, Wynonna replied nonchalantly, not making eye contact with Nicole.

“On Valentines day.” Nicole blew air out her nose trying not to get upset before adding, “Today of all days. Valentines Day. Didn’t you say he never got over you?”

“Ya.” Wynonna said chuckling quietly, “I feel like he still thinks we’re going to get back together, but I’ll tell him tonight that it’s not going to happen.” 

“Why tonight?”

Wynonna shrugged, “It’s the only night he’s free.”

“So instead of spending Valentines Day with your girlfriend you’re going to spend it with your ex.”, Nicole replied feeling jealousy take over. She wasn’t proud of it but she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Ya, but afterwards I’ll come straight back here and spend the night with you.”

“Oh wow. How generous. Wy, it’s our first Valentines Day together. Can’t you see him another night?”

“Well I can’t cancel now, that would be rude. Plus we can’t go out for some romantic dinner, people might talk.”

There it was. The real reason.

Nicole was livid, not only were they back to being so far in the closet that they couldn’t even go out for dinner but now her girlfriend was going on a date with someone else to apparently throw people off. 

“It didn’t have to be romantic Wy, we could have done anything together.”

“And we will tonight when I get back”, she replied slapping Nicole's ass playfully and kissing her cheek before she walked to the door.

“I love you.”, she added standing at the door before walking out.

“I love you too”, Nicole whispered as the door closed leaving her alone in her room.

She sat on her bed staring straight ahead. How did she get here? This was supposed to be their first Valentine's Day and here she was sitting alone while her girlfriend literally went on a date, with her ex of all people. 

Nicole's blood was boiling and all she wanted to do was scream, she needed to yell and be angry, she wanted someone to talk to about it but of course there was nobody. The people that did know were pretty uncomfortable about the whole thing, plus they didn’t even know she was dating anyone, and Kelly was having a nice night with her wife, she couldn’t be selfish and interrupt that. 

Finally Nicole moved from the bed, ordering food in and putting on a movie, there wasn’t much else to do except wait for her to get back. 

Nicole was startled awake by loud music she jolted up looking around for the source finding the end credits to a movie playing on her laptop. She shut the lid silencing the noise and rubbed her face to shake the sleep off. 

Looking at the clock she realized it had been hours, it was 10:00pm, and still no sign of her girlfriend. Nicole prided herself on being rational and even tempered but looking at the time she couldn’t help but think that either Wynonna had been in an accident or she was still on her date, which has gone long past dinner time.

Nicole’s heart sank.

Both were terrible options and she couldn’t help the fact that she wished it was car trouble. The other choice was somehow worse, knowing that she was with him; what she was possibly doing with him.

Another half hour rolled around and Nicole couldn’t take it anymore, she reached for her phone and started to type out a text message. She really didn’t want to be the jealous overbearing girlfriend, but she was genuinely starting to get worried.

Thankfully she was saved from the decision with a knock on her door. Opening it revealed a slightly drunk Wynonna.

“Heyyy”, She said dragging out the end leaning into Nicole’s space.

“You smell like a dude”, Nicole replied flatly, moving to the side to let her in.

“Do I? He really does wear way too much cologne. We only hugged and it’s all over me.”

Nicole stood at the door watching her girlfriend take her coat and shoes off. She was lying. It’s like she had forgotten everything she knew about Nicole, her mother has spent her entire life lying to everyone around her. At this point Nicole is practically a human lie detector, not to mention they have known each other for years, she can tell when Wynonna is keeping something from her.

She folded her arms across her chest deciding to play along.

“So what took so long?”, Nicole asked calmly, she could see a faint red mark on Wynonna’s neck that looked a lot like a hickie, knowing she definitely hadn't put it there. She was trying very hard not to react or start a fight and genuinely hoped that the sinking feeling in her gut was wrong.

“Oh, uh, the restaurant was busy and then we had a drink after.” 

“Sounds like it was fun. And how is Luke these days?”, Nicole asked feigning interest.

“He’s fine. But I missed you.”, Wynonna pouted pulling Nicole by the hands towards her.

Wynonna kissed Nicole, sliding her tongue against her bottom lip asking for entrance. Nicole granted it parting her lips, tongues meeting in the middle. 

The taste of nicotine hit her immediately.

Nicole broke the kiss, scrunching her face in disgust. 

“You taste like smoke.”

“I do? Oh you know what? I actually did have a cigarette with him in the parking lot before he drove me back.”, Wynonna answered.

The lies were clear and she wasn’t even doing a good job of hiding it Nicole thought to herself. Confrontation wasn’t her thing, mostly when it pertained to her personal life, she hated it and actively tried to avoid it. She knew she was lying but she didn’t know for sure what had really happened so she didn't want to risk accusing her, plus this could be ignored, she though to herself, maybe it was just a mistake - a slip up. Pretending to believe her seemed like the best option, she wouldn’t lose her girlfriend and they wouldn’t have to fight and everything would stay the same. 

“Well it’s gross and I’m not kissing you again till you brush your teeth.”, Nicole said deciding on letting the whole thing slide, it was late and she didn’t want to deal with any of it. Her heart felt like someone was squeezing the life out of it but she figured it would pass if she just dropped it.

Wynonna seemed to think on it for a second before agreeing, “Fair enough.”. She opened the drawer where she kept some overnight essentials, grabbed her toothbrush and headed off to the bathroom down the hall. 

Nicole was left in her room alone again, she stood in the middle of the small room wringing her hands together, still reeling from the discovery that her girlfriend had cheated on her. No - she thought, she might have cheated it wasn’t confirmed. 

She could still make this work between them, right?

Their love was real and after all, isn’t that all that mattered?


	4. Weekend Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annd we're back! This took a bit longer than I expected, but the upside is that the next chapter will be up in a couple days!

In the weeks following Valentines Day Wynonna was practically girlfriend of the year, she was caring and considerate, she made time for Nicole, and they went out for movie nights. It almost made Nicole forget about that night, almost. 

They had been going away together practically every weekend for the past month, well, kind of together. They both left in the same car and did the trip together but Wynonna would drop Nicole off to hang out with her sister for the weekend and continue on to meet up with some friends in the next city over, and then on Sunday she would pick Nicole up again and they would make the long trek back to school.

The trouble was the nagging feeling in the back of her mind every time her car pulled away and left her for the weekend, the tiny person in her head started ringing every warning alarm that it could find. It has caused her to be a jealous person and she hated it.

But this weekend was different, this weekend Wynonna was staying with her. She was coming out to party with her and her sisters friends, it was a big deal since she hadn't met any of them yet. It kinda felt like meeting the parents, her sister had basically raised her and her friends were pretty much an extended family, since she's known some of them since she was little.

When they left that Friday morning it had been just like any other weekend, having breakfast at Nicole's and grabbing some coffee for the road. About an hour into their drive the conversation turned to the topic of what the plan was for this weekend, as Nicole started giving her the details she could see Wynonna looking a little stressed out.

"What's wrong?", Nicole asked, stopping her previous line of thought.

"Nothing," she paused, pursing her lips, "Your sister hates me"

Well she wasn't wrong, Nicole thought to herself, but she doesn't need to know that.

"No, she doesn't hate you, she just doesn't know you very well", Nicole answered stepping carefully around the truth. It wasn't completely a lie, Ashley really didn't know Wynonna very well since her sister had moved away for school years before Nicole met her.

Nicole continued trying to soothe her girlfriends nerves, "This weekend will be fun, you guys can get to know each other better"

"I guess, ya. Does she know about us?", Wynonna asked.

"She doesn't. But a friend of hers does, Kelly and her wife. They are super nice and they will be there"

Wynonna seemed to tense momentarily at the news that people knew about them but then relaxed and just nodded as she processed the information.

Nicole leaned over the console and kissed Wynonna's cheek. These car rides have quickly become some of Nicole's favourite times to spend with her girlfriend, it was several hours of uninterrupted time together, just singing and car dancing.

The rest of the drive was fairly uneventful, they made good time getting there so they were able to make a stop for lunch and take their time getting ready to go out and pre drink.

Once ready and pre-liquored up they all hopped into a cab and left, somehow convincing the driver that they could all fit piling on top of each other in the backseat. Thankfully it was a relatively short drive to their bar of choice tonight. Nicole was looking forward to a change from their regular bar, this one had two floors with more of a pub on the first floor and a club below.

They all grabbed drinks as a group before they walked around the pub floor looking for familiar faces. Ashley was ridiculously social and always seemed to know everyone wherever they went. It wasn't something Nicole was good at, always opting for smaller groups and closer friendships, but she appreciated her sisters outgoing attitude in moments like these.

When she went out with Ashley she always felt special, everybody knew who she was and always made an effort to talk to her, it in turn made Nicole a lot more social and outgoing.

She was popular by association and she loved it.

Since Wynonna had never gone out with Nicole and her sister before, she was seeing this side of Nicole for the first time. She was seeing both men and women alike seeking to interact with her girlfriend and kiss her cheek to greet her, which was common with her sisters friends. 

As the night continued more drinks were had and shots were passed around, the more alcohol that was put in Wynonna's system, the more it seemed to spur a bit of jealousy.

Nicole loved it, she had never seen Wynonna get jealous over her and the feeling was intoxicating.

The more drinks she had, the more her hands wandered over Nicole's body, they tugged at her tight tank top and gripped at her hips.

Nicole could see exactly what was happening, she was laying claim, she was keeping people from hitting on her. 

She smiled into Wynonna's neck as she felt her hips be pulled closer to hers, forcing their bodies flush to one another. A warning light went off in the back of Nicole's mind telling her that they were too close, that friends don't dance like this, but between the vodka flowing through her system and the proximity of her girlfriends body to hers she just didn't care anymore. 

Secrecy be damned, all she wanted was the woman in front of her.

A song Nicole didn't recognize started blasting through the speakers so she took that opportunity to separate from Wynonna and go grab a fresh drink. Her sister met her at the bar, bumping arms with her to get her attention.

"You know...If you don't want people to think you and Wynonna are dating you guys shouldn't dance like that", her sister said light heartedly.

Nicole felt her heart stop. 

All the air left her lungs.

The music dimmed in their ears.

Her mind suddenly acutely aware of everything in the room, a very sober feeling taking over.

It was one thing to keep this from her sister when she had no idea, when it wasn't even on her radar, but now if she lied or deflected and her sister found out later that Nicole had lied it would hurt her and she couldn't do that to her.

She paid the bartender for her drink before turning to face her sister full on, taking a steadying breath to prepare for what she had to say next.

"We are together", NIcole said, just loud enough to be heard over the music.

"What"

"Wynonna and I, we're dating", Nicole repeated, feeling this weight lift off her shoulders, only to be immediately replaced with the weight of her actions and uncertainty of how her sister was going to react and that she told yet another person about them without talking to Wynonna first.

"Oh", Ashley replied wide-eyed.

Before either sister could say another word Kelly appeared beside them, having apparently been close enough to hear the entire exchange between them. She gave a tight lipped smile to Nicole before she steered Ashley away to a back room.

Nicole was left there waiting, replaying the last few minutes in her head and desperately trying not to regret telling her sister. Finally she was joined by Kelly's wife and Wynonna who looked confused about the change in mood.

Nicole quickly filled her in, implying that her sister more accused them of being together so that Wynonna wouldn't get upset for her telling. Though it was her possessive dancing that had gotten them into this mess.

Several songs later her sister and Kelly reappeared, her sister looked like she may have been crying but both were wearing smiles so Nicole took that as a good sign.

Her sister enveloped her in a tight hug, whispering into her ear, "I love you no matter what, we'll talk later, Okay?"

Nicole nodded in agreement, matching her sisters smile. She had no idea what Kelly said to her in that room but she was damn thankful.

The rest of the night went without incident and it seemed that her sister even tried to warm up to Wynonna a bit, dancing a bit with her and buying them a round of shots, they even managed to sneak away for a sloppy make out in a bathroom stall. It had all gone way smoother than Nicole had ever imagined it would, and even Wynonna seemed to have had a good time.

That following morning Nicole woke up early. The room was bright with the sun shining through the big front windows in the living room, she looked over at the other couch to see a very passed out Wynonna laying with her head under her pillow to block the light.

Turning onto her back she stretched out and cracked her stiff neck, she happily laid there staring at the ceiling, enjoying some rare quiet in the house so she could think.

Last night had been a lot, to say the least.

She came out to her sister. That had actually happened. And it hadn't gone terribly. She hoped that nobody woke up for a while, knowing that there was a conversation with her sister in her future and she just wanted to sit in the perfect quiet of the moment. Nobody was upset or anxious or angry, everything was just still.

Above her she heard a door open and footsteps to the bathroom. Well. That didn't last long.

Her sister appeared a few minutes later.

"Hey, wanna go grab a coffee while everyone is still asleep?"

Nicole nodded in agreement, her sister must really want to talk to her since she wasn't even remotely a early bird. Actually Nicole couldn't remember a single time her sister had opted to get up early especially after being out so late.

Anxiety over the conversation they were about to have grew as they walked and got coffee, by the time they sat down together Nicole felt sick to her stomach. 

The small coffee shop they were sitting in was pretty busy, Nicole was shocked that they managed to get a small table for two by the window. Bay windows on either side of the door lit the entire place up, it made Nicole feel like she was on trial with a giant spotlight pointed on her.

She had been running through scenarios in her head the entire walk over, trying to predict what Ashley would say when they got there. Now that they were here Nicole wished that the floor would just open up and swallow her whole just to avoid this conversation.

"So you're sure about this? Like about you and Wynonna, that you're gay?", Ashley finally said breaking the silence, whispering the word gay like it was forbidden.

Wow, just jumping right into it, she thought to herself, she hadn't known what to expect but she was a little taken aback by her sister making sure that she was in fact gay, she thought she had been pretty clear last night.

"Ya, Ash, I'm sure"

"Cause you know, friends kiss sometimes, that doesn't mean you have to date them", she replied, again getting quiet near the end and looking around to see if there was anyone close by listening.

"I know. It's not like that, I love her", Nicole explained.

"Oh", she looked crestfallen, "Are you sure? It's just that you're so good with guys, they all love you"

"It's cause I don't care Ashley, it doesn't matter to me if they like me or not so when I talk to them I'm not nervous or anything. They are just dudes to me, not potential dates", Nicole said, trying to delicately get her point across.

"I didn't just jump into this, I've felt this way for a while I just didn't know what to do or how to tell anyone"

"Alright", she paused, "I guess I just don't get it, but I love you"

"Love you too", Nicole replied, giving her sister a tight smile, glad for the momentary reprieve from being grilled about her love life and glad that Ashley still seemed to care despite clearly not being happy with the situation.

The smile fell from her face almost immediately after when Ashley told her that she had to tell their mom. Nicole felt her hands start to sweat just at the thought of having that conversation with her mother, sure her mom seemed to care on the surface but she knew in reality that her sister was the favourite child, hands down.

"Like right now?", Nicole asked tentatively, hoping that her sister would be reasonable. Now that she knew about them it would be very hard to stop her from telling their mother if she really wanted to and the thought left NIcole feeling incredibly exposed.

"No. But soon, I don't like lying to mom", Ashley answered.

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes Nicole nodded in agreement to tell her soon, not actually sure if she was lying to her sister or not. She definitely didn't feel ready for that yet, that was for certain.

These were the moments Nicole felt the most disconnected with her sister, it was like she forgot about their entire childhood. All the bullshit and abuse, all the times their mom bullied them, every time she pitted them against each other for her own amusement. 

It was times like this that showed her how much her sister had been blessed by being the older child. Once her sister left for school Nicole was left in the house alone, to deal with her mom alone. The feeling it left her with didn't have a word, it had several, terrifying, devastating, heavy, and draining. 

Getting out alive had been Nicole's personal success. So many times she wanted to reach out to her sister and tell her what had been going on but she knew her sister wasn't as strong as she was, and Nicole knew she could bear it, her shoulders could carry it for both of them.

So she just took the abuse and said nothing, hoping that once she left home she would be free, but in these moments she could help but feel a bit of resentment towards her sister when she said loving things about their mother.

Nicole finished the rest of her coffee quickly, she was done with this conversation, especially if it was going to centre around their mother and she really wanted to get back to Wynonna.

Once back at the house Nicole flopped down onto the couch Wynonna had been sleeping on, holding a coffee out for her hungover girlfriend. 

"How did your talk go?", she asked sleepily.

Nicole just looked back at her giving her the signature 'I have a lot to catch you up on' look before answering aloud for her sisters benefit, "It was good, we had a nice chat"

"Your heading to your friends tonight right?"

"Ya, I would skip it and stay with you, but her boyfriend broke up with her and she wants to go out", Wynonna answered.

"No, I get it. I'll be fine here, just please don't forget to pick me up on Sunday", Nicole said playfully.

"Forget you? Never", she replied, leaning up to connect their lips, "And thanks for the coffee, you're the bestest girlfriend ever"

After eating some breakfast Wynonna collected her stuff, planting a kiss on her girlfriend before hopping into her car and leaving. 

Nicole and her sister decided to go shopping before getting ready to go out for round two that night. Her and Wynonna texted the entire time, she couldn't help but smile every time she saw her name flash onto her screen.

Despite their conversation that morning Nicole and Ashley got along like they always did, Nicole even made an effort to not complain about going into every single store and Ashley even asked a bit more about her and Wynonna.

On the way home they stopped at a convenience store to buy slushies to add vodka to once they got home and started getting ready, Nicole tossing the tv on while she waited since she used far less makeup and her hair still looked fine from the night before.

That night they headed to the bar with coffees for the bouncers. Thankfully her sister was friends with them so they didn't have to wait in the massive line that had gathered in the last half hour. As they walked in Nicole quietly relished in the indignant cries she heard from the other woman left in line waiting to get in.

Nicole walked through the the doors and as usual was hit with a wave of bass and the smell of spilled alcohol and poor choices, she didn't love these kinds of places but she pretended to for her sister, she wanted to fit in with her group. If she was honest, her favourite part was the after bar food, she was just counting down the minutes till she could eat.

She walked towards the bar, figuring that she would grab a drink and wing man her sister and her friends like she usually did. 

Apparently she was wrong.

Instead once they grabbed drinks her sister started introducing her to the guys around them, talking her up and telling Nicole how cute they were. There was no way that her sister was so drunk that she somehow forgot the fact that she was dating someone, and that that someone was a woman.

That's when it hit her.

Her sister didn't forget, she was trying to change it.

Nicole's heart sank.

She knew that her sister wasn't excited about her being gay but she thought that she had taken her coming out well enough, but apparently she was wrong. The feeling went from her heart to her stomach making her feel nauseous, and with the pounding bass vibrating through her body she felt sick.

Quickly excusing herself, NIcole walked straight into the sea of people dancing closely together, trying to disappear. She had to get away just for a second to gather her thoughts, the alcohol coursing through her blood stream was making her feel flushed and way too hot. She pushed through sweaty bodies and made her way to the bathroom.

Slamming the stall door closed behind her she punched the door, feeling pain radiate through her fist and knuckles, she did it again for good measure. She needed a distraction from this feeling and pain was the best way to do that, thankful that the music was so loud that it had masked the sound, the last thing she needed was nosy drunk women butting in. 

A single tear fell down Nicole's cheek, she wiped it away quickly, she refused to let herself cry.

This was nothing, she thought to herself. 

Steeling herself she left the stall, washing her hands and checking the mirror to make sure it didn't look like she had been crying. Satisfied with her appearance she walked back out to meet up with the group.

Thankfully, Ashley had found herself some guy and was occupied by him drooling all over her, she walked over with her own beer to check in with her sister to make sure she was good. She may be pissed with her but she didn't want her sister to feel stranded wanted away from him.

The guy turned on her when she walked over, checking her out as she stopped in front of them.

Gross.

Ashley was quick to introduce her to this dude bro, which was the nicest thing Nicole could think to say about him.

He in kind, introduced his buddy to Nicole and turned his back to them to focus back on her sister.

Great, Nicole thought, now I'm stuck here with this dude. She did a quick scan of the bar and couldn't see any of their friends, "Guess I'm stuck here for a while,", Nicole said under her breath.

"What?"

Nicole decided to just put an end to it immediately, she wasn't one to lead people on and she didn't want to encourage this guy at all.

"I have a girlfriend", Nicole yelled back over the music.

"Oh. So you're a lesbian?"

"Ya I am", Nicole replied, shocked slightly by how well this was going.

"Cool, me too"

Nicole looked over at him with an eyebrow raised in question.

"I also only date women"

Nicole burst out laughing, it was terrible and corny, but it was so well intentioned she couldn't help but laugh.

"That was a good one", she said still chuckling.

"Can I get you a drink?"

"I'm still gay", Nicole said hesitantly.

"Well then let me buy you a drink and you can tell me all about your girlfriend", he replied, smiling at Nicole.

"I suppose that works", Nicole agreed, following him to the bar.

They spent a good chunk of the night talking, Nicole told him all about Wynonna and he told her about what he's going to school for, they made fun of some of the people around the bar joking about what they were doing or how desperate some people looked. 

At the end of the night he high-fived her and left, that was that. Nicole smiled to herself, he had really turned her night around, and he didn't try and hit on her once, it was so refreshing.

She spared a thought to the fact that if she hadn't figured out she was gay that would have been the kind of guy she would consider dating, but she missed her girlfriend, and she wondered if she had a good night out with her friends.

Once their were back at the house Nicole shot a quick text her way to say goodnight, not expecting a reply till the morning seeing as it was close to 4am.

Laying on the couch she pulled the blanket around her thinking about the bar, maybe after this weekend with her sister she needed a little space. Ashley trying to fix her up with guys after telling her she was gay was unexpected, Nicole wasn't sure what to do with all of that so she hoped that maybe some time would help her adjust to the fact that this wasn't a phase for her.

She drifted off to sleep looking forward to getting back to school and back to Wynonna, she felt safer and stronger when they were together. 

Her knight in shining armour picked her up just after noon, Nicole was actually surprised by how early she was since she usually didn't get there till much later. Nicole said a quick goodbye to her sister, still a little pissed about the night before. 

They had been on the road for a few hours, managing to avoid most of the traffic and were on a much quieter two lane highway.

Nicole leaned over the console and kissed Wynonna's cheek, feeling her lean into the contact she kissed her jaw, then down the side of her neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps in her wake. She smiled into the last kiss she left at the base of her neck and squeezed the inside of her thigh with the hand that had been resting on it. 

Letting her hand drift a bit higher up Wynonna's thigh, she heard her sigh into the feeling so she slid it even higher, feeling her legs fall open to allow Nicole more access, she pressed harder as she slid her hand up to her centre, pushing against the stiff jean fabric. 

Hearing her girlfriend let out a quiet moan, she turned her body in her seat and switched hands so she had better access. She rubbed at the fabric with more pressure, riling Wynonna up, she could see her knuckles turn white as they gripped the steering wheel to stay in control. 

Nicole licked up side of her neck before scraping her teeth against the soft skin, feeling a desperate whine form in Wynonna's throat. 

Suddenly the car was slowing and Wynonna was steering them off the highway and onto a secluded back road. Once the car was in park her lips found Nicole's, biting her bottom lip as she pulled away. 

Nicole moved her hand to unbutton her jeans, feeling a moan in her throat when she bit down on her neck.

"Babe..", Wynonna said breathlessly, shifting her hips up to give Nicole better access, unbuckling her seatbelt so that her hips weren't restricted.

Slipping her hand into tight jeans Nicole gasped into Wynonna's ear at the wetness that greeted her fingers, "Fuck, you're so wet.", she purred.

Swiping her fingers across her clit, Wynonna let out a choked moan, her eyes slamming shut while she still clutched at the steering wheel.

With them being in the car and her girlfriend already so worked up Nicole didn't bother teasing her, she slid her fingers across her clit a few more times, feeling her hips jerk up to meet her. 

Nicole lowered her hand and pushed a finger inside her, she was quick and firm hitting the spot she knew drove Wynonna absolutely wild, pressing the heel of her hand against her clit every time she thrust inside her.

Wynonna is so wet that she was able to easily slide a second finger into her, the angle was a bit awkward but she could feel how close she was, her hips rocking with every thrust. 

A few more pumps inside her and she was falling over the edge, breathing hard, hands falling from the wheel and laying limply on her lap.

Easing her hand out of her jeans Nicole sat back in her seat properly, her own need pulling at her, making her squeeze her thighs together to try and relieve some of the ache between her legs.

Both of them sat there in silence, flushed, trying to recover, the radio still playing full blast at them.

It was easy, sometimes, to forget that the rest of the world existed when they were together, that there were literally other cars driving past them. 

A few long minutes went by before Wynonna pulled herself together. She buttoned her jeans back up and readjusted in her seat, and buckled back up before pulling back onto the highway.

It was a miracle that nobody drove by them while they did that, at least Wynonna had the wherewithal to pull over for their safety.

Stealing a glance at her girlfriend, Nicole smiled to herself, she looked so beautiful like this, flushed and carefree. It was moments like these that made her realize how much she truly loved her, how thankful she was to have someone like Wynonna in her life.

Taking a deep breath and looking out at the road ahead of them, she felt calm, this weekend may have been more stressful than originally planned but with Wynonna by her side she knew that everything would be fine.


	5. Easter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey humans, so this ended up being a bit longer and a bit darker than originally planned. There are definitely some trigger warnings for this chapter so be warned.

With Easter right around the corner the space that Nicole had intended to give herself with her sister and family didn't seem very feasible. The plans were already underway about when they were both arriving and who was invited to dinner.

Sadly, her mother was still not over her breakup with her ex-boyfriend and had already suggested that Nicole invite him over for dinner. Twice. Her patience was already wearing thin and the the weekend wasn't happening still for another week.

Trying to separate herself from the madness like her sister had when she left for school Nicole decided not to answer every call from her mother, she either texted back or left it for a few hours or overnight just to give her time to mentally prepare for whatever insults her mother felt she needed to throw her way.

This naturally didn't bode well for Nicole, she should have known of course, that she was held to a different standard than her sister. 

After their last blowout it had been a few days since she had heard from her mother and she was honestly thankful for the reprieve. 

Nicole's phone rang at about 10:30pm, seeing it was her mom she considered not answering. It was late and she had had a long day. She rubbed her face with her hands before scooping up her phone. She rolled her eyes at herself for caving, forever the dutiful daughter, she thought to herself.

"Hello"

"...Hm.."

"Mom?"

"Hm..Nicky.."

Nicole paused, clutching at her phone. 

Her words were slurring and she seemed out of it. Pinching the bridge of her nose Nicole sighed away from the microphone. She was high, again.

Nicole knew how to handle this, maybe she would just fall asleep on the phone again and she could also go to sleep, then they could just pretend like she didn't call her like always.

"Hey mom, how's it going?"

All she got was nonsense and gurgling in response, seeming far more out of it than usual, normally she could at least string a sentence together.

Then a muffled statement came across the line, "I took pills"

Nicole's blood ran cold, this was different. This wasn't the usual medication/ rum cocktail this was like last time, this was purposeful.

She immediately changed gears.

"What did you take mom?"

"Mom. What did you take", Nicole asked again with more urgency in her voice.

"Nothing!", her mother answered loudly but still slurring.

"You said you took some pills just a second ago", Nicole said trying to jog her mothers brain into participating, only to get incoherent mumbling in return.

Through the phone Nicole heard a crash, she could absolutely identify it as her mother falling to the ground, the call ending when she assumed the house phone crashed to the floor.

Nicole dialled back immediately, no answer. She was three hours away, what could she possibly do?

Even if she left now there's no way to tell what she would get home to, her mother could need to be at the hospital now and every second she sat there considering the options was wasting time.

Deciding on the best course of action she took a deep breath and dialled 911 on her phone and hit send.

The call was picked up quickly and that's when it got complicated, she was calling for an ambulance in a different city. They listened to her story before transferring her to an operator in her hometown where they finally dispatched an ambulance to her house.

Once they had all the information they needed they ended the call and said that the paramedics were a few minutes away and to sit tight. Which is really all Nicole could do anyway.

She sat on the edge of her bed gripping her phone in her hands, her shoulders tense waiting to hear about her mother. This was a familiar feeling, the wait, never sure of what news would come next. Never sure of when they would get the call saying this time she didn't make it.

Nicole wished she wasn't alone right now, though she was unsure of what having someone there would do for her, she felt numb in these moments. She had to feel like that to survive, if she got emotional it would destroy her and her family needed her to be the strong one.

A full hour passed before her phone rang, the noise startled her out of her thoughts, she had been considering what she would say to Ashley if they couldn't save her this time.

Staring the the screen it was her mothers number, "Hello", she said quietly, afraid of what was of the other end.

"I can't believe you called 911", her mother bit at her.

"Are you okay? You collapsed when you were on the phone and then you didn't answer when I called back, I was worried about you", Nicole replied trying to ignore how angry her mom sounded, hoping that her concern for her would override it.

"So you called 911? They tried to break down the door Nicole, if the neighbours saw anything you will live to regret it"

Nicole finally let a tear fall down her cheek. Nicole could hold it together through almost anything including physical pain but something about when her mom started on her like this, she just couldn't hear it without getting emotional. 

"I'm sorry", she said trying to hide the watery tone in her voice.

“No, but you will be", she replied quickly and hung up on Nicole.

Nicole sighed. How did she manage to fuck up again? All she did was answer the phone and handle what was dealt to her and now she's in the shit bin with her mom, again.

Easter is going to be so fun, she thought sarcastically to herself.

The next morning Nicole arrived to class just in the nick of time. She was exhausted from the night before having not gotten to sleep till the wee hours of the morning and her face felt puffy from crying.

When she walked through the classroom doors she was grateful to see Wynonna had secured their usual seats against the wall. 

"You good?", Wynonna asked, sliding a coffee in her direction once Nicole plopped down into the seat next to her.

"Ya, I'm fine", Nicole replied quickly waving her off.

Wynonna just looked at her with one eyebrow raised waiting for Nicole to answer truthfully, clearly reading her like a book.

"Just my mom, I don't want to get into it", Nicole answered, avoiding eye contact.

She had really wanted to just skip class but with exams not far off she really couldn't justify it. The events of the night before were still occupying much of her brain space. Talking about it with Wynonna was on the list of things to do but the thought of having to relive it again immediately made her eyes feel even heavier. 

They went about their day together, sharing most classes, which was helpful cause Nicole felt like she was in a fog; not really taking anything in. Wynonna spent a great deal of the time watching her out of the corner of her eye when she thought Nicole wasn't paying attention, she had intimate knowledge of how toxic Nicole's mother could be which brought out a bit of a protective streak in her when there were incidents like this.

By the time they were done for the day Nicole was dead on her feet. She wasn't just tired, she was emotionally drained. Every time her phone would go off her heart squeezed wondering if it was her mother, still angry about the night before.

She could tell by the way Wynonna was treating her that she was going to want to talk about her mother, but Nicole just couldn't.

This wasn't who she has become, she isn't glass and refuses to shatter when this shit happens. That being said Nicole just didn't want to fee like this anymore. She wanted to just feel literally anything else.

Once through the door of her room, Nicole placed her backpack down by her desk before turning on her girlfriend hungrily. She grabbed a fistful of Wynonna's shirt and kissed her fiercely, slipping her tongue into her mouth when she gasped out of surprise.

"Nic", Wynonna said putting up some resistance.

Nicole knew this was coming, she was ready, and though she was usually appreciative that she had a caring girlfriend that wanted to protect her. But right now all she wanted was to forget and be outside of herself.

"Just - just fuck me", Nicole said, looking her dead in the eyes before reattaching their lips.

Thankfully Wynonna didn't need to be told twice. She responded in kind, quickly whipping off Nicole's shirt before kissing her hard, one hand flying to the back of her neck to hold her in place while the other gripped at her hip.

Nicole moved her own hands to undo her jeans, hastily shoving them and her underwear down her legs and kicking them off the rest of the way, then moving to do the same to Wynonna, taking her shirt off at the same time. 

She gave half a thought to the fact that her curtains were open and that people in other dorms could see them if they decided to look through her window but she wasn't about to stop what was happening to close them. Let them watch, she thought to herself. 

"Bed?", Wynonna suggested.

"No, just right here", Nicole said breathlessly, leaning against the wall pulling Wynonna flush against her, pushing her face to her neck hoping she would bite it when she got there.

Nicole moaned when she did just that, feeling teeth scrape along her skin and then sucked on knowing full well there would be a mark left there that will need covering up. Right now though, she didn't care and it was intoxicating, she dragged her nails down Wynonna's shoulder blade then down her arm guiding her hand to where Nicole needed it most.

Delicate fingers glided over her, swiping over her clit causing her hips to buck forward, but this isn't what she wanted. She wanted it hard and fast and this was too slow.

Grabbing Wynonna's wrist Nicole pushed her hand down until her fingers were at her entrance.

"No teasing", she said, pushing Wynonna's finger inside her, her own joining it before retreating. 

It had been unexpectedly hot, she hadn't planned on doing that, it just happened but both women moaned at the action

Nicole let her head fall against the wall behind her, Wynonna's fingers working in and out of her doing exactly what she wanted them to. Distract her. She clutched a hand to the back of Wynonna's neck to keep them close, the other taking up residence on her shoulder.

"Fuck, baby. Faster", Nicole begged into her ear, lifting her leg in the process to wrap around her waist, giving her better access.

A choked moan escaped Nicole when she finally picked up the pace, her own hips rocking desperately to keep up. She finally tumbled over the edge, grasping at Wynonna, pulling her as close to her as she could.

Resting her forehead against her girlfriends, she took several deep breaths before putting herself in motion. She used her shoulders to push off the wall and propel them towards her bed, falling on top of Wynonna when they reached their destination.

Not wasting any time Nicole was quick to reciprocate. Which, she told herself definitely had nothing to do with prolonging their impending conversation. 

Wynonna started to speak but was cut off by Nicole's mouth on her breast, words catching in her throat. Her hand wandered lower and lower, squeezing and scratching as it made its journey. 

What she hadn't anticipated was Wynonna's hand reaching to still her hand. Nicole quickly looked up at her to see what was wrong, brows furrowed in confusion.

"I want to, I really do", she quickly said to answer Nicole's questioning eyes, "but you're using me as a distraction which kinda makes this less sexy"

Nicole looked away, hurrying to get off Wynonna and start putting her clothes back on. She could feel her eyes welling with unshed tears, she stared at the wall to avoid eye contact as the last sixteen hours finally caught up with her. 

A sniffle gave her away, Wynonna immediately pulling her down to the bed to sit with her. 

"What happened last night?"

"The usual", Nicole answered vaguely, "I just - ", she started and stopped, "can we just take a nap, I'm so tired. I'll fill you in later I promise"

Wynonna nodded and moved to pull the covers back, looking at her girlfriend with concern as they both climbed under. Nicole tucked herself into the safety of her arms and fell asleep within minutes.

\----------------

As Easter weekend neared Wynonna seemed to get more and more protective knowing she would be dropping Nicole off at her house and wouldn't be there to save her if she needed it.

Nicole understood why she felt that way, she had kept most of the really bad stuff from Wynonna for that reason. The recent incident was just the tip of the iceberg, and she was fairly sure that if she shared everything with her, her mother would be killed at the hands of her girlfriend.

Nicole sat for a moment in the car just staring at the house, steeling herself before she went in. The minute Wynonna pulled out if the driveway she knew that she would be flying solo for most of the weekend. 

A cold hand squeezed hers, pulling her from her thoughts. Nicole longed to kiss her, the one they shared around the corner hadn't been sufficient. It wasn't long enough it, the warmth of her lips on hers was already fading.

"Alright. I should go in, they're going to be wondering what I'm doing out here", Nicole said sighing.

"I'll text you when I can. I'm sure my mom will want to catch up when I get in"

Gathering her weekend bag she said another quick farewell before heading into the house. 

"Hey! I'm home!", she yelled when she walked through the door.

A chorus of greetings came yelling back at her from various rooms in the house, Ashley having arrived home the night before. 

She headed down the basement, to drop off her things in the spare room that had essentially become her room the last year or so.

She stopped in the doorway. There were clothes on the bed and an open duffle bag on the floor.

Ashley had taken the room. Of course. She wanted to be angry, she really did, until she realized that the only other room was hers so naturally she was expected to stay in it. 

Spinning on her heel she made her way upstairs to her room, unceremoniously dropping her bag on the floor. As she looked carefully around the space, the room looked like it hadn't been touched for years - a thin layer of dust covering most of the surfaces. Her eyes turned to the walls, posters of celebrities littered the one side and sports memorabilia on the other, it felt like a stranger had occupied it, the girl who had called this place home was long gone.

She was dreading this weekend, sure, but having to stay in this room with the memories it held almost made her feel nauseous.

Nicole saw her mom over her sisters shoulder as she pulled her into a hug, squeezing her shoulders, her heart stopped for a moment, how were they going to play this? 

Was she going to be angry or would she pretend like nothing happened?

"Hey honey how was the drive?", her mother said cheerfully, striding over to scoop Nicole into a hug that was too tight, the smell of rum wafting over her.

Perfect Nicole thought. She's already drinking. The upside was that she seem to be in a good mood, maybe this weekend wouldn't be as bad as she thought if she could keep her happy.

"It was long but good"

"Why didn't Wynonna come in and say hello? I got her some Easter chocolates"

Cause she hates you and every fibre of your being, Nicole thought to herself before answering, "Oh she had to get to her family, but she might stop by at some point over the weekend. Thanks for getting her something though, you didn't have to do that"

"I know, but you know me, I like to do things for my girls", she replied.

The rest of their night consisted of dinner and catching up as a family. As much as Nicole was often frustrated by her mother and sister, nostalgia always got the best of her in moments like these. 

A couple of bottles of wine in they were all laughing and joking around, her mother reminding them of embarrassing stories of them when they were kids, she talked proudly of how close Nicole and her sister had always been.

Before things got emotional or weird Ashley started yawning dramatically, signalling for them to disperse.

After saying her good nights, Nicole trudged her way up to her room, exhausted from the day. Being all bright and super happy to her mother was wearing her out. She quickly got ready for bed and climbed in, laying on her side staring at the wall as she drifted off to sleep.

Hours later Nicole gasped awake, breathing hard. Her eyes searched the room, looking wild and she untangled herself from her blankets. 

Her eyes adjusted to the dark room, she was alone, sitting on the edge of the bed she grasped tightly at the sheets, grounding her while her heart rate came back down.

"Fuck", she sighed angrily at herself.

She thought she was through with these nightmares.

It had been months since she woke up like this, her hand instinctively moving to feel her wrist looking for the bruises that were long gone.

A quick look at her phone told it was four in the morning, still way too early to get up. 

Laying back on the bed she stared at the ceiling, a tear leaking out the corner of her eye, rolling into her hair.

Her mind wandered to the events of that night. The one that changed everything. 

Her and James drinking with friends and getting back to her empty house. He had already planned to stay the night since her parents were on vacation.

Kissing ensued, some fooling around, both of them in their underwear. 

Nicole pulling away, "Not tonight sailor"

"I'm the only virgin in our class, you know that right? How long do you expect me to wait?"

"Not happening", Nicole replied, making her voice firmer.

He kissed her. She thought that was that.

It wasn't.

Without warning her wrists were in his hands and he was on top of her completely pinning her to the bed.

"Let go", she said immediately, starting to sense dangerous territory.

"I said let go", she demanded, fighting against him. Trying desperately to free her hands, bucking her body off the bed to get some sort of leverage to get free.

But he didn't budge, he was at least twice her size and captain of the hockey team, panic set in.

"You know I'm not even trying to hold you down yet, right?", he replied as nonchalantly as if he were out for a nice picnic.

"Nope. Fuck that", she said again under her breath, more frustrated with herself this time.

Those words. That one sentence made her blood run cold knowing what followed.

She was not going to relive the rest of that night. Nothing was going to change it and that was that. She may have lost a part of herself but she refused to ever be in that position again.

Nobody would ever have that kind of power over her again. She was stronger now than ever.

She let her thoughts drift to her girlfriend instead. Her wonderful girlfriend. Wynonna was the only one who knew about that night, she had helped her cover the bruises and covered for her when she needed it.

It had been difficult at first. James had pretended that nothing even happened and she wasn't allowed to break up with him. Her mother forcing her to stay with him so he would have a future, but she refused to ever be alone with him again, she played the role but their relationship was over.

Wynonna had suggested multiple times that she tell her mother or some sort of authority but the thought of saying the words out loud made Nicole feel sick to her stomach and her face feel like was on fire. 

So she kept it to herself. She carried it on her shoulders.

Sitting up she rubbed her sore neck as she checked her phone again. Only thirty minutes had passed, sighing, she threw her phone back down and got her running gear on, there was no way she was going to fall asleep again so she night as well do something productive.

Leaving the room quietly she pinned a note to the fridge before she left in case anyone woke up and was looking for her. 

Taking a deep breath of the crisp morning air she put her headphones in and took off down a nearby trail.

Setting a steady pace, she let the trees lining the path blur in her peripheral vision. Her mind focusing on only what was ahead of her, blocking everything else out. She loved the way running made her feel, exhausting her lungs, making them burn from the exertion.

Further down the trail was a lookout point. Nicole didn't go often since it was longer than her usual runs were but since she was up so early she pushed forward, not stopping till she got there.

She arrived to the point just after sunrise, her chest heaving from sprinting the last few hundred meters. Spotting a bench she plopped down onto it while she caught her breath, the view truly was beautiful and it was so quiet. 

Closing her eyes she leaned back onto bench and just let the silence wash over her, the birds chirping softly, she sat like that for a long while before stretching and starting her run back.

Coming back out of the trail, sweaty but feeling refreshed she stopped dead in her tracks across the street from her house.

A yellow Jeep was parked in the driveway. 

"Fuck", she muttered, hoping she was wrong but knowing she wasn’t, that car definitely belonged to her ex-boyfriend.

Taking out her headphones she walked up to the house, completely unprepared for what awaited her inside.

Walking through the front door the smell of eggs and bacon cooking hit her first. Laughter from the kitchen came second. 

Her sister quickly greeted her at the door, "For the record I told her not to invite him over, she has no sense of boundaries"

Nicole groaned and followed her sister into the kitchen.

Her mother stood by the stove monitoring the food while she talked animatedly to her ex-boyfriend, James, who was sitting at the table.

"Hey Nic, look who came over for Easter brunch", she gestured with the spatula as if Nicole somehow missed a huge guy sitting in their kitchen. 

James stood and moved to hug Nicole. It was awkward. Nicole was thankful that it was short and that he hadn't tried to kiss her cheek or anything, their first break up was brutal enough she was hoping that he didn't think that this was an invitation from her.

Trying to roll with it to please her mother Nicole asked how him and his family were doing before trying to make an exit, "Well I'm pretty gross from my run so I think I'll just go take a shower"

"Nonsense. We've all seen you like this before, plus the food is ready", her mother quickly shut her down, glaring at her as she brought plates over to the table.

The meal lasted too long in Nicole's opinion, her mother flirting shamelessly with her ex and trying to force her and James to make plans to hang out during the long weekend.

Nicole told her she was busy seeing other friends but that didn't stop her from pushing, finally James spoke up and agreed that he had an equally busy weekend with his family and wouldn't be available.

After brunch Nicole said her goodbye and walked into her bedroom stripping off her sticky t-shirt to gather her things to get cleaned up, she was so focused on her own task she hadn't realized James had followed her into her room. 

When she turned around she jumped so high she could have hit the ceiling, "Jesus! James what are you doing?", Nicole half yelled in surprise.

"I just wanted to talk for a minute, without your family around", he replied, eyeing her body.

Nicole was not a particularly shy person, she was athletic and proud of the muscles she had but this was not appropriate and his presence in her room with the door closed made her even more uncomfortable.

Her mind raced as she tried to calculate whether or not she could get past him if she needed to, knowing from experience that she couldn't physically fight him off.

Taking a deep breath she calmed herself down. Her entire family was home, she wasn't alone. It was fine.

"We don't have anything to talk about James, I'm sorry my mother invited you over but I don't want to get back together", she said trying to sound nonchalant while she continued to get her her things, clutching her phone in her hand - just in case she needed it.

"Are you dating anyone else? Cause I haven't dated anyone else and I figured if we were both still single maybe we could try again", he said, using the same puppy dog eyes that worked on every single person in this town, that had worked on her.

"I have actually"

"Oh, well..", he trailed off looking at her awkwardly, "I guess I'll just go then"

"Ya", Nicole said, watching him turn and leave her room. She held her breath till she heard the front door open and close signalling he was actually gone this time.

Looking down at her hand she saw it shaking slightly, she shook it out, trying to steady herself again before finally getting to shower.

When Nicole finally got a chance to catch up with Wynonna they both shared their last twenty-four hours.

Wynonna had practically jumped through the phone when Nicole filled her in about the stunt her mother pulled inviting James over. The creative string of curse words that left her mouth would have been comical given any other situation, but she had to calm her girlfriend down so she wouldn't come over and start a fight.

Changing the subject, Nicole talked about their plan to meet up later that day but Wynonna's mom had packed their weekend with family activities, leaving very little time for her to sneak away, so instead they made a plan to try and connect the next day.

With excess spare time on her hands, her and her sister went out shopping in town and then out for drinks together at a local bar, then coming home and passing out together in the guest room watching a movie.

That next morning Nicole woke up early again. Aside from her, her family were big sleepers and could easily sleep until noon given the opportunity. She knew her mother would have gone all out with Easter baskets for her and her sister so Nicole was hesitant to go into the living room but she was starting to get hungry and bored.

Deciding to finally risk it she crept out of the room as to not wake her sister and made some coffee, avoiding looking in the direction of all the candy she could see sitting in the corner.

Nicole smiled to herself, these traditions were so silly. They were far too old to be getting Easter baskets still, but holidays were her mothers specialty and she always made an effort to make it fun for them, well, most of the time. So Nicole wanted to hold on to them for as long as she could.

Grabbing her coffee she went out on the deck to read until everyone else work up.

Wynonna texted her earlier than she expected. Her and her sisters had gotten up early and had a massive Easter egg hunt, in reality an all out battle. They were all only a year apart so they were brutal with each other.

One time Nicole watched Wynonna get stabbed with a fork during a card game, which was the first and the last time she went over to her house for game night with her family.

An hour later her own family made an appearance and they did their own celebrations, Ashley and her being far tamer and just hanging out while they put breakfast together.

They didn't have anything else on tap for the day aside from dinner so Nicole shot a text to Wynonna to see if she could swing by and see her.

"Hey babe", Nicole quickly typed out and hit send, snapping her phone closed quickly as her mother passed by.

A little while later she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, "Hey honey"

That's odd, she thought to herself, Wynonna never calls me honey.

Then she looked at the name at the top of her screen.

She hadn't texted her girlfriend, she texted her mother.

Oh god. Oh. God. 

How was she going to talk her way out of this one?

Does she say it was meant for someone else? That might prompt even more questions, and she really didn't want to have to blatantly lie to her mother.

Her mother hadn't seemed phased by the pet name, maybe she could just avoid the whole problem by pretending nothing happened.

Nicole texted Wynonna - making sure it was actually her this time - to tell her that she was going to swing by in a while before telling her mother that she was heading out to see friends and would be back later.

Making sure to just be casual and pretend like the text she accidentally sent wasn't out of the norm at all.

\----------------

Pulling up to Wynonna's house she could see their mother in the garden covered in dirt and pulling weeds, her daughters nowhere in sight.

Waving a brief hello, Nicole hurried to the door, Wynonna's mother always made her uncomfortable, she was a severe woman that had clear favourites. Their older sister held that title heads a shoulders over everyone else.

She didn't interact with Willa often but when she did she always got the feeling that she was being judged and somehow didn't measure up.

As she entered the living room she could see all three sisters in various positions on the floor and furniture watching tv together. When Wynonna saw her she waved her in to come sit with them barely breaking eye contact with the tv. 

Careful to avoid Willa who was sprawled across a chair, she took the first seat she found on the far end of the couch.

"Hey Waves, how's it going?", she asked, semi-quietly to not interrupt the show.

"I'm good! Been busy getting everything ready for University, but I'm really excited", Waverly replied, turning to focus on Nicole rather than the tv.

"Right I knew that. Let me know if you need any help with anything along the way, I -", Nicole was cut of by Willa shushing her from the chair.

Wynonna shot a glare at her from the floor before getting up and taking Nicole into her room, pushing Willa's hand out from under her head on the way by just to piss her off.

The minute the door closed Wynonna claimed Nicole's lips in a heated kiss, walking backwards to her bed and falling onto it, pulling her on top of her as she landed.

"Wy", Nicole said breathlessly as she fell on top of her, "What if someone comes in?"

"I told Waverly. She'll look out for us", she said, capturing Nicole's lips again.

"Wait. You told Waverly? You? You told someone", she replied trying to keep the shock off her face.

"Ha-ha-ha", she replied sarcastically, "Yes I told her. We were talking late last night and it just kinda came out, are you worried? Cause we can trust Waves, she won't say anything"

"No, no I'm not worried at all; just surprised is all", she replied leaning down to kiss her girlfriend again smiling into the kiss, feeling genuinely happy that she finally felt comfortable enough to tell someone they were together.

A few sudden taps to Wynonna's door and suddenly Nicole was shoved off the bed so fast she practically hit the floor. 

Less than a moment later the door opened to reveal her mom. Thank god for Waverly, Nicole thought.

"Hey girls, I'm about to get started on dinner. Nicole, dear, are you staying?"

"Oh thanks for the offer, but I have dinner with my family tonight. I should probably be getting home soon", she answered, plastering her nicest smile on her face.

"Alright then, just wanted to check", she replied, moving to close the door behind her but thinking better of it and leaving it open instead.

Once they heard her walk far enough down the hall Wynonna burst out laughing. That had been a close one.

Waverly appeared in the door way, she shook her finger at them smiling, "You two are going to have to be a lot more careful, I won't always be here to save you"

"We know", they said almost in unison, then falling into a fit of laughter again.

The three of them chatted and joked around together for a while until Nicole got a text from her mother asking when she was going to be back home. 

With a quick peck to her cheek Nicole got up and started for the door, "See you tomorrow afternoon for the ride back?"

"Definitely"

The thought of it made her smile, she couldn't wait to get back to school and to the life outside of their families they had started to build together.

Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.

Her own family dinner had been delicious, she even stowed away enough leftovers to take back to school with her.

The weekend hadn't been as bad as she thought it would have been, and her sister hadn't even pressured her about telling their mother about her and Wynonna. 

As they winded down for the evening, her sister retired early since she had a long drive back the next day.

Nicole and her mother were left alone for the first time that weekend watching tv on the couch, just as she was about to head to bed herself, her mother spoke up, "So, who's babe?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your comments a kudos, they give me life!


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